The Rainbow of Friendships

Breathe in and New Year is here. Breathe out and Santa will be out and about. TIme flies by so fast. In this furiously fast, D.C.-diarrhea-leech-covered-Wall Street-taxes-up-to-YingYang world we are in, we need to get this one NOW and make it part of your annual action plan. Relationships are paramount. They should top our lists each year. Many get this a little too late on their deathbeds. It’s not your job, Iphone, Ipad, money, car, house that matter. It’s you and me and knowing the shades of friendship in each of our relationships. What color do you have with your partner, parents, siblings, bosses, relatives, roommates, your gardener, ex-(es) and everyone else in your life? Put on your glasses, see the shades, mix the right amount of paint, check it against the rainbow of friendships and begin your life’s masterpieces – relationships.

1) Red – You laugh at the same jokes and shed tears at the same moments in a movie. You are there pronto, when needed – death in the family, last-minute pick-ups or drop-offs at the airport, break-ups, endless whining sessions, new affairs, even during ridiculous moving-outs because this friend realized the next-door neighbor plays Milli-Vanilli. In essence, you are soul mates. Up or down, no matter what, you are there for each other. The epitome of loyalty is this type of friend. You are sitting next to each other in jail. You know each other’s secrets and you totally trust them at the moment of your demise to clean up your desk, your junk, your cabinet and do the right thing with the evidence (hopefully, destroy it). Even if you fight, you forgive, forget and end up with each other. Everyone loves to have a friend like this.

Action: Don’t let go. Keep on loving.

Movie: Harry Potter, Thelma & Louise, Titanic and let's not forget Romy and Michele's High School Reunion

2) Orange – You know each other well. This friend bails you out of jail and chews you out. You’ll never hear the end of it. You love each other but keep parts of you to yourselves because you understand it works better that way. You do not want to offend or disappoint. Sometimes, you have disagreements leaving you a little bit on the Halloween side. Scared. It could be your conflicting personalities or your fear you could lose them if they found out you are hellraised or truly dig graves-kind of stuff. You’d rather be afraid to lose them than be brutally frank and brave and risk all the fun and loving. No need to tell them everything if you are unsure of your Final Destination. Let them find out all about you when you are six-feet-below. If they let you in their crypts, instead of running, you laughed or cried and showed yours, you are now both bloody reds!

Action: Enjoy. Hold back. Fight but keep on loving.

Movie: Breakfast Club, E.T., Lion King

3) Yellow – This color glares. In a speeding sea of blacks, whites, silvers and grays, you are like the bulldozers, school buses, and taxicabs. Everyone thinks you are best friends but you are really not. You are each other’s fair-weather friends. Maybe, only one of you is. You are great when you are having fun. Each of you may want to be more IN with the other but do not have the opportunity or are afraid. One is red to the other, but the other may just be yellow. Blend yellow and red together, you have orange. Review Orange and know what to do. Keep in mind, some people are yellow all their lives to everyone. They just keep all to themselves but still shine.

Action: Keep it up. You are the sunshine of each other’s lives and others.

Movie: Clueless, Grease, National Lampoon’s Animal House

4) Green – It’s nature’s color. The excitement of a bud. Will it blossom? It needs water and sun. Mix yellow and blue below. You have known each other a long time or you just met and somehow know you click. The exchange of efforts is equal and mutual. You are kindred spirits and fulfill an aspect or more of your lives. You are buddies from a hobby, work or recreation, church or reunions, an event or seminar, a project or a circumstance. You both like art or are disgusted at the dumb evil boss who makes your lives miserably blue. They do your taxes or your teeth, possibly both. Just because you already have a colorful set of BFFs does not mean you can’t let one more in.

Action: Be open. Let it flow and see where it grows and how it goes.

Movie: Once, Hangover, Jerry McGuire

5) Blue/Indigo - You needed each other at one point or another. They can be in different compartments of your life. You shared something - like a womb or a lactating breast or have the same children. Sometimes you like each other. Sometimes not. Like a bruise, blue appears after that initial bump and the redness disappears. You could or may have hurt each other. Trust was broken or not totally there. One messes it up. It’s when you are at your worst when you need them most, as the saying goes. They reach out, you withdraw or cut them off. Vice-versa. There is sadness because your palettes are jumbled. There maybe possibilities. Like the ocean, though vastly blue, it has both the rainbow of creatures and darkness of the abyss. There is depth, danger and unfathomable possibilities. Unless you scuba dive (a dangerous sport), you just will never know. Or you do not really want to know or should not know. You call them your good friends but they do not. Or their friendship can only be as deep as your pockets. This is complex. You can hang in there. Reuse, renew, recycle. Then repeat, until this Blue turns Green.

Action: Keep it. Possibly fix it. Or totally leave it.

Movie: Beaches, Stand By Me, War of the Roses

6) Violet – The color of mystery and royalty. You care about them. You do things for them. You share your space, time and money with them. You listen to them ad nauseaum. It’s one-sided. They feel entitled. But when you need them, poof! Yes, you got poofed. More than once. (By chance, I named one of my first pets, a red-eared slider – Pofie. He swims in his own poof. Ok, poop. It’s the same thing.) When all three are shared with you, it seriously means something. They use and abuse. They lie. They cheat. You are in a sado-masochistic relationship. Psychobabblers say it’s dysfunctional, passive-aggressive, whatever.

Action: Leave it. Not worth it. Even your closest relatives can be violets, run!

Movie: Circle of Friends, Count of Monte Cristo, Gladiator

Some may not have these colors in their lives. Don’t despair. The shades are there in various combinations. Open your eyes. End color blindness. Each person encountered may be a combination of one or two colors. Someone may have been brushed or dabbed from one color to another at one point in or throughout your life. Groups may belong in one color or more. Co-workers are green. Childhood friends are red. A sibling can be blue, and possibly your child too. Yellow ones are easy. It’s knowing what to do and making friendships a work of art that makes the difference. So skip happily towards the gold at the end of the rainbow. By the way, if everyone is in B/I, it’s not them, it’s you.

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